Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
