I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Vodka?
Forever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
