They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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