drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize