break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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