my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
