Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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