I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize