I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
