There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
