I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
