it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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