Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
