just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
