just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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