the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
