What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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