Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
