I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
