i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
