Quick, to the slutcave!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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