So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
