Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
