They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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