Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize