By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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