he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
