Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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