Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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