i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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