maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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