All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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