Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
