My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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