He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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