I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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