he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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