My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
