I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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