put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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