mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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