So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i think my cat just said my name.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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