This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish there were birth control emojis
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
