The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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he fucked my hip out of place.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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