Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am spending my child support on dildos
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
