Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
