If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
