I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
