first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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