I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
