dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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