Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
