I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize