my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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