No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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