Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
