Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
