Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
