she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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