Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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