she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think my moral compass just broke
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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