Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
