...so i touched it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
