That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
