is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
