There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
