Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
