her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I will die if light touches me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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