he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i love accidental penises.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
