You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We smell like vodka and hangover
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