The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
