I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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