Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
