I cannot find my penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
