I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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