dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
