My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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