if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize