No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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