apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
